Having just attended Leeds Festival (it was immense by the way), and having watched many programmes on the subject of the all time ultimate band line up, I have decided to share with the world the actual best band line up in the world, because the tv shows are all wrong, and I am right.
This will be a 100% accurate view of the best band in the world, being a top band promoter I feel I’m adequately qualified to do so. No, that’s a lie, I work at Sainsbury’s but that will have to do. We need to find ourselves a Frontman, Bassist, Guitarist and of course, a Drummer.
We might as well start off with the Bassist, gets the boring one out of the way first.
The bassist I have chosen for the ultimate band is………….Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It’s a boring choice in the fact that everyone has him in the ultimate lineup but I cant actually remember many other bassists who catch the eye and stick in your mind.
Flea in his dirty skid-mark ridden Y fronts, lovely chap.
Next we need a drummer, and for me this was probably the most difficult category, I can think of some amazing drummers who I would liked to have had in. Im thinking Dave Grohl, Keith Moon, John Bonham, even that one armed dude out of Def Leppard (obviously he would be no good, this is an able bodied band only, how on earth would he hold both my pints while I go for a slash, not gonna happen mate). My choice was almost killed in a plane crash not so long ago, a slightly biased choice but having seen him play twice I was totally amazed by him. It’s………………Travis Barker.
Go on my son
Guitarist next, and again, there were stacks to choose from. Any one from the list of Slash, Jimmy Page, Hendrix, John Frusciante and Eric Clapton could have easily been chosen. In the end I did an eenie meenie and ended up with our guitarist………………..Pete Townshend.
Camp as christmas
And finally the frontman. For me, everytime somone tries to copy a song by Queen, people always say “well they’re not as good as Freddie”. So for that reason the frontman is………..Freddie Mercury.
Of course who could have a band without some roadies, mainly chosen for the rest of the lads to give ‘one’ to, for this reason I can only be the human spunk bucket that is………Paris Hilton, you slaaaaaaaaaaaaag. And not forgetting promiscuous gay baldies Right Said Fred, fittingly named for Mercury to have his way with.
And that, ladies and gents, is the best band ever, full stop.
Next time, I’ll be drafting the greatest ever 4 man Wrestling stable in a throwback to my childhood, only after I’ve raged in an actual serious blog post about the UK’s crooked politics and society, deep stuff.
Peace.